Why Friends?

What can bring more satisfaction than the comforting knowledge of acceptance? What better way to endure this harsh society than the realisation that you are not pressing on all by yourself? What better affirmation than having people you can call "friends" and vice versa?

Yet, what is the need for companion? Why is marriage a natural process in people's life? Why have few people survived being alone? The answer has many sources, and in this case, "friend" and "companion" would be assumed to address the larger group that are partners. And first, I would propose that this is due to the need for checks. People are affected by their environments, and unless values and principles are clung very strongly onto, they will go astray. This might be due to pent-up needs for release or self-pride being allowed to grow.

Without the support of friends, frustrations are allowed to build up, and over time, the familiarity may cause the personality to absorb such angst. Without friends, the errs in character cannot be brought to light -- people generally do not see their on faults -- thus causing a feeling of self-perfection that may lead to eventual rejection of the "lesser men" which includes everyone.

Such was the fear of keeping this blog a secret. Such was the impetus of writing the previous post -- the small conflict about publicity versus secrecy. I do not want this blog to spiral into an endless chasm regarding the torments of life. I need people to keep it out of the void and perhaps even inspire inspirational posts to bring balance to the system.

Indeed, friends are critical stages of life. The friends one has inherently affects the character he will develop. However, beyond that, friends also provide the larger community that people can relate to. Alone, one goes through life wondering about choices made and to be made. Alone, one goes through life full of doubts in selected pathways, thereby doubting one's ability as a result. Alone, life is difficult and unsure. With friends, however, choices made are easily justified by the similarity with the larger group. With friends, even if choices are wrong, one will not continually doubt. With friends, the human nature that contains "crowd mentality" is satisfied.

Yet, despite these logical reasonings for friendship, there is a purpose far beyond the physical aspect, for friends fill up the void in our hearts in ways that are too miraculous to even begin contemplating. Perhaps, an analogy may make this point simpler to understand. Imagine a tree trunk that provides life to the upper portion, containing a canopy of leaves and extensive branches. The trunk, however, has a hole right through it. The only way for survival is for an appropriate filling up of the space. Likewise, friends achieve such a purpose, ensuring that people retain their "humanity life".

Thus, in conclusion, what are friends for? They ensure that we go through life feeling more confident about ourselves. They protect and ensure our emotional and spiritual well-being. And certainly, they aid us in coping with life and its pressures.

Are friends important? No. Instead, from the established points above, I propose that friends go far beyond that, being the very basic necessities of life.

Seeking Facts

Hardly anyone ever reads this blog. Perhaps, this is for the better. This blog can then be my secret. This can become a solace for me, a comforting place to pour and organise my feelings. All this without fear of causing a sob-sob effect, knowing well that no one can sob-sob if no one reads it.

And yet, for that chance, will the discovery of its hidden nature prove to be a pleasant surprise? I certainly do hope so. Again, would people know me better, whoever I may be? Can I present myself in a justified manner?

And yet, I can only try; Words take time -- time to do work, time to rest, time to foster closer ties. Upon the final period of each entry, I am left mentally exhausted.

Yet, every blog entry provides a temporary step-back from reality -- to watch and understand it as a non-partaker. Every reflection is filled with an inward dive into the figurative soul -- a chance to experience the core of my thoughts and emotions, a core as yet untainted by humankind.

Is the attempt at accuracy worth the sacrifices? Or perhaps, do I need a viewer to vet the path upon which this "accuracy" lies upon? Should this blog remain as it is, or must change be effected for authenticity?

No escape

The Victoria School Speech Day is this Saturday (23rd July 2005). Sadly, the academic awards are only given out to those with an "O" Level raw score of no more than 8 -- I managed only a 9. Yet, I have managed to brush that minor setback aside simply by ignoring it, for no reason can justify the poor performance. Today, however, all the painful memories had been multiplied many-fold and flung back at me.

It was during an ODAC briefing of the month's activities and one external programme clashed with the VS Speech Day. Naturally, those involved voiced their concerns -- basically, that meant very other ex-VS student. Noticing that I was not one of those involved in this Speech Day, I was questioned. Upon receiving confirmation, the question-er replied with a streak of cacophony that I was a gep-er and should not have done so badly. Of course, the reply had been much shorter and sharper than the paraphrase that you now read.

The reply very suddenly slapped me, reminding me of the horrific reality that was society. Having been a gep-er, I had many perks that the rest of the student population did not. That was a fact -- one that the rest will not easily allow to pass. For four years, I had no need to face criticism in the eye. This was the first, and a painful memory it will be. Why did I not live up to the label? Why have I failed? That retort made me realise that all my life, I had been an under-achiever. In the first few years of my life, the schools I went to had relatively little academic standard, and achieving a good grade then seemed hardly impossible.

It was my venture into the gifted programme that first made me taste the bitter medicine of failing expectations. For 6 years, that had happened, and it was very easily blamed upon the difficulty of the gep examinations. In secondary 4, however, the grades still did not show any significant jump. They shattered the false reality that I had believed, that I was different from the rest in a good way. Perhaps, it was because of this that I studied very intensively for the preliminary examinations. It was probably also because of this that all sources of practice "O" Level questions had been exhausted long before the arrival of the "O" Levels itself.

In the "prelims", I missed the academic award by 1 point, achieving a meagre 10. Now, in the "O" Levels, their placement of my name upon that slip of paper outside the general office in Victoria School gave me a large beam of hope. Finally, perhaps, I could receive something for my academic achievements, for in VS, the only 2 areas in which I had not received any physical achievement is in the Track & Field and the academics arena. Yet, I still lost that chance.

Perhaps, I had received a wrong label. Perhaps I was never meant to be in the gep -- they just messed up my qualifications with come other deserving child. In the midyear examinations, too, I had an expectation, and I failed them terribly. I had set targets -- those, I failed too. I literally mugged for economics. Yet, I achieved a score even lower than mathematics, during which I was struck by exam anxiety. Economics was my only hope for an A in the midyear examinations, and it still is.

In fact, so catastrophic were my midyears that of the 4 main subjects, 3 of them, whose results I have already been made aware of, were below 50. So bad was it, that when the retort came, I realised that I had failed all my ex-classmates, my ex-teachers, and the reputation of the gep itself. So shocking was it that when the reply came, I broke down into silent tears. An E O O for mathematics, chemistry and economics respectively was hoped to have been more common than reality. In fact, I have one classmate who had A A A, and perhaps all others who definitely beat me in the subjects. The rest -- the mainstream -- has beaten me -- an apparent gep-er. What more can be said about my failure?

I hate the distinction, but today obviously made it clear that there was no escaping. I have made a reputation of failure. Yet, if ever, achieving a good grade would just be seen as gep-ish. I will not have achieved something, just lived up to it. There will never be an "exceeding of expectations" with me.

Thus, it is now understood that once labelled, we go through lives without that tag ever fading away. As for me, in the field of academics, there seems to be no way to step away and move into the paths of other more successful people. Yet, unlike via the blocked vision of the people, there is something more to this gep-ness that goes beyond academics. Hopefully, in these aspects, I have at least achieved a standard worthy of gep.