Clean-up

50 by 50. It's difficult at first, but you eventually pick up momentum. You glance through the subject headings just to be sure it's nothing important. But if it's dated 2 years ago, it probably wouldn't be relevant anyway.

--
FOP. Those were exciting times. Emails bounced back and forth; everyone struggling towards the same goal. Friendships would be built. I would cautiously but surely begin to move further and further out of my comfort zone.


*delete*


RC. Those days where everything was settled without our knowledge; yet, we were asked to contribute. It was a difficult struggle trying to appease all that anger. But things eventually would work out. Or at least, the sentiments would have simmered down.

*delete*

CIR. That strange part of your life which sticks out. Political science just doesn't fit the general flow of my interests -- outdoors/ecology/community stuff. Yet, if anything, it was probably an amazing mistake. Exposure to different, very bright and amazing people. *delete scroll (repeat)*... wondering where it all began to go wrong.


*delete*


NVVN. Random little snippets appear, but I was never really a part of it. I'm sure it would have been fun though...


*delete*


LAB. Still the biggest part of my life -- sadly. I tried so hard to be angry because everyone around me thought that I was otherwise being irresponsible. Was that when my worldview changed? Or perhaps more importantly, is there any way back from that?


*delete*


SERC. Would have completed the storybook notion of a thorough and complete "get-away". But it was not to be, and it was probably good that it didn't work out. After all, it's easy to romanticise events in your life and make yourself out to be better than you really are. Not getting the internship was a good reminder that there is a reality I still needed to face and that I needed to fit back into it.


*delete*


Occasional chat logs appear. Was I being too quiet about my circumstances, pretending to be stronger than I really was? Or was I handling it perfectly well by not unnecessarily drawing attention to myself? I did talk to people... I did.

*delete*
 --

And so, 500 emails are left. I just about stopped where my TMSI internship begins. Everything else seems to have fallen away. I took a break; a pretty long break. It doesn't feel like anyone waited for me. I'm no longer sure where I fit in anymore... and I probably should not be presumptuous about it.


But perhaps, it's all for the better? *shrugs*

0225 / 111221

Do show me where it says that God grants us wisdom to fight our battles in this world.

I do recall the Bible talking about how a curse will not take effect if there is no cause for it in the first place. Likewise, it also talks about a God who will take vengeance on behalf of us. Does it however say anywhere that we should fight cunningly against those who transgress against us? No; but it says to forgive them. It says to be meek and humble. It says to turn the other cheek.

It says to repay your sin sevenfold. It says a lot of things, but "wisdom" to manipulate the system just somehow doesn't seem to be one of it... I might be wrong though; and I definitely look forward to standing corrected.

Until then, however, where did you get such ideas?

1225 / 111204

I don't know how all the pieces are supposed to fit together anymore...

Diversity

COMING from Singapore and from USP, I have heard a lot about how there can be unity in diversity. The essence of the matter, it seems, is for people to develop their own cultures and inclinations; ultimately contributing back to the larger community. It is a rather intangible concept. As such, some useful models to think about might include: 


1) Google
Brilliant minds are allowed to work on their own pet projects; once someone discovers something, he or she gets to present it for implementation. That explains the mass of products that Google has uncovered (and also the over-stretching of resources that has ultimately required them to cancel some of these projects).


2) Soccer clubs
Players play for individual teams and often develop into amazing individual players. Every 4 years (or 2, depending on the championships you follow), players are selected from a myriad of individual clubs and brought together to play for their country. Players from diverse backgrounds, styles of play and upbringing are in other words expected to grow to understand each other's styles of play within months. Often, we don't see that happening. Players like Messi, Rooney, Ronaldo (Cristiano) and many others consistently get criticised that they play for club better than for nation.


But these examples pretty much highlight the issue, right? How can people be devoted to 2 separate causes at the same time? By definition, "devotion" should be an all-consuming attitude that comes to define who you are as a person. For some, this may be macro-systems of values like religion; for others, it may be the individual pursuit of happiness.




PERHAPS then my understanding of the diversity-into-singularity model is wrong. From what I can understand, the alternative would be for society to encourage only the areas of diversity that benefits itself. It would be like the leader that delegates different projects. In other words, as long as everyone keeps the larger ideal of "unity" in mind, then it does not matter what each of them independently seek to do.


Again, the models we have include:


1) Parenting/Mentorship
The traditional parenting system involves harsh discipline of children to the point where they become "mature" enough and can start to live on their own. Often, this transition is marked by rituals like bar-mitzvah or the 21st birthday celebration or in more primitive societies, men undertake their first hunt or a scarring of their body to mark their transition into manhood.


The idea is simple. Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it. Ok, so I am loosely quoting from the Bible. Still, you see the same mechanism of mentorship sprinkled across (what tends to be perceived as) traditional forms of lifestyles.


The recent movie "Karate Kid" starring Jaden Smith is representative of similar film genres and of the portrayal of traditional Asian culture. In the movie, Jackie Chan begins training Jaden by requiring him to learn discipline. In other examples, books heralding the era of the tiger mom have also suggested the same style of upbringing. A third example would be the harsh training that China imposes upon their athletes -- today, they are one of the sports powerhouses have drawn criticism from many countries.


In all these examples, the same mechanism is seen -- impose a singularity in mindset first before allowing diversification to happen. In other words, such models would not advocate a hands-off approach towards allowing diversification.


2) Motivational speeches
The idea of motivational speeches is often to unite the people towards a common goal. It is to guide them towards placing a common, singular goal above any independent agenda. Again, the idea is that people should always be reminded of the larger goal that ought to unify all their actions.




PRESENTLY, societies seem to be inclining a lot towards the former model. Perhaps it is a problem with democracy, where power is given to the individual.


Don't get me wrong; democracy does have its benefits. Leaders cannot be allowed to abuse their power. Yet, because leaders are ultimately humans, they tend towards selfish gains. Allowing power to the people ensures that these leaders will always need to keep the people as their priority.


In turn, the model only works if people similarly are able to put society above self. What happens, in particular, if the common person does not see the big picture that the leaders see? We cannot expect everyone to deeply understand the workings of society; nor can we expect that people would be bothered to understand it. It's either "the leaders' job; why should I bother?" or "the leader's duty to ensure that I am well-taken care of". It does seem to be a very unfair and selfish demand of the leaders of society.


How can a country move forward if difficult decisions cannot be made? If you look at the trend of rising China/India and failing America/Europe, perhaps one striking difference is the people and their relationship towards the government. In America/Europe, the leaders who are in the position to make decisions are not being supported in making these decisions. The ideal of "unified society" begins to fall apart both for leader and people, leading to every person for themselves... which is a very broad generalisation (I admit) of the situation we are seeing right now.




IN the end, I don't know. We see in ecological systems that organisms of separate niches working for their own survival leads to a nice balance, but insofar as predator-prey and survival-of-the-fittest paradigms are in effect. For society to allow the development of diversity without a larger "unification plan", are we not in essence devolving and encouraging a return to our primitive states?


I remember someone once wrote that although evolutionary theories demand the merciless treatment of each other, the calling for humanity is to overcome these inclinations by imposing on ourselves a set of moral values and codes to live by. We need leaders we can trust; who are able to hold fast to over-arching ideals. In turn, we need a people who are responsible in electing honorable leaders and understanding when they need to make sacrifices (for lack of a better expression) for the greater good. It's a difficult, complex symbiosis that immediately falls apart when either party falters in their duties.


And right now, it seems we have...

171111 / 2207 HRS

Have you ever felt like you were living off
The memories of what a former you achieved?


You feel and know that you've changed;
You're no longer someone you can be proud of.


You wouldn't like yourself.
And yet, your friends hang around.
But is it because of who you are;
Or for who you used to be?


What have you achieved since then?
What can you offer them?
And if nothing...


Then perhaps it's best to step back (away)
Preserve at least the memories.


Because yes you were far better;
But only once upon a time...