Grave's Disease

Medical symptoms involving mood swings are very deabilitating.
When you are sad, are you really sad?
When you are happy, are you really happy?

It is deabilitating because you never know if your feelings are normal.
Are you supposed to feel like this?
Or is it just time to increase the dosage?

I wish I could lock my heart away.
I do not want to feel sorrow, to feel sadness.
So I lose also the chance of happiness and love.
But what good is it if such feelings are not real at all?

Who am I, really?
Why do I feel this way?
Am I defined by the swinging mood,
Or am I defined by the medication that I take?

What difference then am I from an android?
What am I then but worthless?

Why do I have to take medication?
For years, I have thought that this was normal.
Why shatter all that so suddenly?

I wish someone would understand,
And that she would care.
And that she would explain everything to me:
How to feel normal, from a normal human being.