Vietnam: Love and Marriage

The rumours are true: there are Vietnamese ladies looking to marry a foreigner in the mere hope of a far more promising future. It reeks of the conspiracy that movies often warn us about. For a marriage based upon money is not love and hence cannot be condoned. It defies the very vows a husband and wife make to each other, "...to love and to cherish, till death do us part." But does marriage have to be borne out of love alone?

You see, love is a fickle emotion, as those unfortunate enough to be struck by it would attest to. It comes and it goes; none can control it. It plunges the victim into irrationality and foolishness to such an extent that he would often regret it but to no avail. Often, the harder one tries to deny love, the more one becomes deeply entangled within it. Love is a paradoxical phenomena: it defies logic, it eludes understanding.

Yet, upon such uncertain foundation do people seek to build up the time-honoured establishment of marriage. Little wonder then that, especially in recent times, the breaking of marriages has grown in marked popularity. The problem lie in couples who, in promising that "till death do us part," do not realise that this demands an effort from them to fulfil. They forget that such words are not magic that, once spoken, will be established as sure as the sun rises from the East and sets in the West. People often forget that love only brings you so far; it is commitment that brings you to the finish. Who then is more committed: she who is motivated by the unwavering aim of luxury or she who is spurred by unpredictable emotions?

Of course, I am not crushing the notion of love. For ultimately, love does have its benefits. It can grant strength to battered lives. It can imbue confidence into bruised egos. It can exalt mere men and make them heroes. But such an issue has been discussed at length in other sections of this blog. The issue at hand is this: is a marriage formed not upon love any less valid than a marriage that is?

For ultimately, what is marriage but a mere commitment between one man and one woman (many countries in the world have redefined this, but I choose to stubbornly stick to the traditional definition of the word) to care for and live with each other? Vietnamese ladies, in their sincere wish to pledge their undying commitment in exchange for a mere shot at a better life, promise to be enduring lifelong marriage partners. However, granting them this desire, you pledge away your right to discover love.

But does this even matter? For to deny yourself the joy of falling in love or to deny yourself the pain of failing in love -- is either more criminal than the other?

Perhaps not.